Always Daddy's Princess
Rationalizing Three Years of Parenthood
“Blow the trumpet, sound the horn, daddy’s princess has been born.”1
As I have gotten older, my perception of how quickly time passes has changed in a stepwise manner. One major shift for me was when I was riding a bike for long periods of time in my mid-twenties. I think my brain changed to get through the monotony of riding and that reached into my everyday life. I noticed getting through the workday went by a lot quicker, but so did the weekend. Now in my mid-thirties, nothing changed the paradigm more than having a baby.
As I am writing this, my sweet princess is in her last few hours as a two-year-old. It really does seem like just yesterday I was in the hospital trying to be strong for my wife but while also terrified inside. It all happened so fast. One minute I was being woken up to go to the hospital and less than an hour later, my mother-in-law was handing me my little girl. Being a father was not real to me until that moment. My wife had been growing our daughter for nine months and knew she was in there. To me, my daughter was still abstract up until that point. I had no attachment and then suddenly, it was a love like I had never felt before. Since that moment, I have learned that you cannot understand how much your parents love you until you have children of your own.
While reflecting on how quickly these last three years have gone, I am reminded of a book my daughter used to make me read so frequently that I had it memorized. My mom gave us “Always Daddy’s Princess” by Karen Kingsbury and told me it would make me cry, so of course my daughter wanted to read it right away.
“Eyes so bright and laughter fair, he buys a pink bow for her hair. He loves her more than words can say, his princess, born this happy day.”
The book goes through the major milestones of a little girl’s life from her father’s point of view. It hurt reading it for the first time. Until then, it felt like I had the rest of time with my sweet little girl. Time would stay frozen in that stage of life forever. I never considered that one day I would have to deal with her leaving home.
“Middle school, she’s thirteen now, friends and clothes and dad learns how to sit through all her fashion shows with crazy jeans and painted toes. All giggles, braces, ‘Daddy, please!’ his princess girl with knobby knees.”
Now I’m faced with the fact that soon she will be going to school and I will have to worry about her being away all day. Just yesterday, I was sitting in the waiting room, holding her, barely an hour old while my wife was in surgery after giving birth. I even considered the possibility that something might go wrong and I would have to raise this little girl on my own. This was not helped by the fact that my wife made me watch Kevin Hart’s “Fatherhood” a few weeks earlier, in which the mom dies and Kevin Hart has to raise his daughter on his own.
“A pretty ring, her wedding day, her dad knows his girl cannot stay. He walks her proudly down the aisle then steps aside, a wink, a smile. He gives a toast - lifelong romance! Then asks his princess for a dance.”
In preparation for her birthday, I told my daughter that the day she was born was the best day of my life. And she looked back at me and said it was the best day of her life too. For me, it was true. No single moment has changed me as much as that day. I finally had something to live for. Sure, I have people that love me and would miss me if I was gone, but I had to stay alive for this girl. I have to be healthy and strong so I can be around for her when she is older and walk her down the aisle.
“Blow the trumpet, sound the horn, grandpa’s princess has been born.”
I hope one day she will get to love someone like I love her. I hope she will make a living doing what she loves instead of trying to make someone else rich. I hope “god dammit” will stop being her favorite phase. And I also hope she loves the Lord. I hope she never stops being feral. I hope I will always have the opportunity to add a few extra minutes to the timer so I can spend just a little bit longer with her.
“Eyes so bright and laughter fair. He buys a pink bow for her hair. His heart, all joy and happiness, two princess girls, a life so blessed.”
And most of all, I hope time stops moving so damn fast.
All quotations from “Always Daddy’s Princess” by Karen Kingsbury. I am not going to put the year since this is not college and I am not getting paid.